Hammocks and Hot Tubs

By the dinner time on Sunday most of the guests had said their farewells. Stauber and Cousin Sam had taken a taxi to the Vilnus airport for their respective flights, and the Lithuanians had hopped in their cars, headed for home. Only later did we find out that poor Sammer had confused his flight dates and would actually be staying in Lithuania another night or two, which meant he’d need some more funding. Ha!

Those of us who remained got back in the van, carrying our wedding favors (a bottle of Vodka branded with–you guessed it–a photo of Nate and Lina). We left the newlyweds to enjoy the lodge for one final evening. As thrilled as Nate was to have had such a gorgeous and memorable wedding, one thing loomed over him: there was yet another physical challenge he would have to undertake. Apparently, Lina was supposed to hide somewhere really sneaky and he had to find her. He was just so tired at that point that he wasn’t sure he could get into the game.

As it turned out, Lina gave him a pass on the hide-and-seek challenge, and they snuggled in for their second night together as husband and wife, exhausted. Whether Nate will be able to keep her warm this winter, however, will remain to be seen. Perhaps, as a PhD and all, he’ll be able to figure something out.

As the evening went on, it became evident that the singer of the band spoke perfect English and knew quite a few English-language songs. Cousin Sam, a passionate musician, managed to convince the band to take a break from Lithuanian music and play a song or two in English. He even volunteered to pick up a guitar and play along.

After a stop at a vista point for additional photo opps and a drive through some quaint little towns, we arrived at the reception site. The minute we stopped, a young boy darted onto the van and handed out candy to each of us. We never did find out why.

Before we had time to unload our bags, an accordion started playing traditional wedding music and Nate was directed to the lawn area. Relatives had started to gather and we joined them in a circle around the bride and groom. Poor Nate looked like he needed a minute to gather himself, but again rose to the occasion and began clapping along to the music.

What happened next felt like a scene from Something About Mary. Nate was handed an ax and instructed to chop a piece of wood, to demonstrate that he could keep his bride warm during the long Baltic winter. Not having had much ax experience, Nate shrugged light heartedly and took a swing. While he did hit the piece of wood, it didn’t quite split in half. Errr…

As if on cue, Lina’s dad then stepped up and picked up the ax. Let’s just say his family would be warm and toasty all winter.

Finally, Nate had to pick up his bride one last time to carry her across a seesaw. Not kidding.

Back on the foreigner van, we discussed what the rest of the evening might hold in store. Nate had warned us of his inlaws‘ proclivity for heavy drinking and tireless dancing that often lasts past noon on the following day. But these people seemed so stiff (not in a stuffy way, but in a crisp, Baltic kind of way). It was difficult to picture them slamming drinks and shaking it on the dance floor to George Michael…or even Journey for that matter.

As I was flipping through my mental catalogue of “that-would-be-funny” wedding song selections, the van pulled over. We were in the middle of nowhere. What was going on? The driver motioned for us to get out and when we did, we noticed a bridge stretching out ahead. OMG, was this really happening? As we walked toward the the bridge, I glanced at Nate’s mom who looked more than a little nervous. This bridge was no tiny brook crossing–it was long.

One of the relatives signaled Nate to pick up his bride and carry her across. Stauber immediately took out his camera and began grinning ear to ear. And me? I just hoped that nothing happened to Lina’s dress. Or Nate’s back. OMG.

The next few minutes seemed unreal. As if it were nothing, Nate scooped up his gorgeous, 6-foot-tall bride and whisked her across the bridge, with the river beneath. The moment had the feeling from one of those 80s movies when the lovable protagonist accomplishes the seemingly impossible, like when the Nerds beat the Alpha Betas to win the Greek Games in Revenge of the Nerds (not that Nate is a nerd, but he does wear glasses). He carried her the entire distance with confidence and grace. Everyone cheered on the side of the road, in a mix of Lithuanian and English.

Two hours later we arrived in Alytus and checked into our hotel. Lina had organized for all the foreign wedding guests to stay at one place, which I’m sure Baby Brother Mendogas appreciated. This meant he didn’t have to keep track of us all. Once safely inside the air conditioned building, poor Cousin Sam went straight to bed while the rest of us geared up for the parental introduction luncheon.

With Lina translating, the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom traded well wishes and dignified gifts. Meanwhile, the boys had caught wind of the fact that Nate would be forced to complete several acts of strength and bravery as part of the following day’s marriage rituals and began placing bets on how it would all shake down.

Would our Nate be able to carry the bride across an entire bridge? Was it true that he’d have to engage in some kind of violent duel before he’d be considered worthy of her hand? Why wasn’t this being filmed by MTV, cause, man, the entirety of “Nate’s Lithuanian Wedding” would trump Jersey Shore before viewers could say holyshiticas.