Sunday, February 4, 2007

A Golden Opportunity

While our overall happiness is clearly tied to big things like the status of our home, health, job and personal relationships, I find that the role of those smaller life components is not to be underestimated. I was pleasantly reminded of this today after purchasing a new shower curtain liner and also a watch battery. Suddenly, a relatively low key weekend became a marker of a new life chapter--the chapter where I take a shower without feeling like a failed homemaker while staring at an unforgiving patch of soap scum and where I no longer have to hunt down my cell phone in the huge bag I always carry in order to see what time it is. Why both of these tasks took me months to accomplish is beyond me.

Another key purchase that took place this weekend was a pair of gold, shiny heels, certain to make a BIG difference in my wardrobe. Suddenly, old outfits take on a whole new look--a look of glamor, a look of pizazz. Gone are the days when I'm the girl in jeans and a black sweater and black shoes. I'm now the girl in jeans and a black sweater and...GOLD! SHINY! HEELS!

Picture it: Yours truly walks into a fabulous bar in the Castro wearing her new shoes. Within seconds, the Scissor Sisters song playing on the sound system comes to a screeching halt as the well-dressed, perfectly sculpted men begin to whisper and point in my direction. One by one, they make their way over to me, asking me where I got the heels and if I'd like to come to a dinner party at their apartment next Friday and am I watching my carbs? "Haight Street, yes and yes!," I'd answer as they walked me home by way of Dolores Park, arm in arm....with the headlights of the oncoming #33 Stanyan bus glimmering off my new shoes.

After launching a whole new life chapter with the help of nothing more than a shower curtain liner, a watch battery and a pair of gold shoes, my latest idea for "an exciting new business" is an alternative therapy program wherein clients receive a package containing the three aforementioned items. Imagine all the time and money that could be saved by skipping hours and hours of professional therapy, not to mention the exhilarating rash of fashionable shoes on parade around the city? Clients will feel good about their homes (now that their showers are free of unsightly soap scum), decrease their stress levels (now that it's so easy to find out what time it is) and win new friends (with the help of their stylish shoes). Move over fancy psychoanalysts, here comes The New Chapter Program.


James said...

Lauren, glad to see you're on the HEELS OF HAPPINESS

Anonymous said...

This is a dangerous idea, my friend. You could put thousands of therapists out of business with this genious program, throwing our country into an unemployment crisis. If I were you, I'd keep this one quiet...